Three Campers, One Trail, and More Than One Good Plan: Flexible Thinking at Poplar Hollow

Soren Squatch had planned the route carefully.

The campers would leave the main lodge, follow the fern trail to Whispering Rock, cross the narrow footpath beside the creek, and arrive at the berry meadow before lunch.

Soren had drawn the route on a map.

He had marked where the trail turned.

He had even counted how many water breaks the group would need.

“It is the best way to get there,” he explained.

Su Squatch studied the map. “It looks like a good plan.”

“It is the plan,” Soren corrected.

Jasper Jackalope bounced beside them, carrying three extra maps of his own.

“One of mine goes past the hollow log,” Jasper said. “One follows the creek. One loops around the ridge in case we see interesting clouds.”

Soren frowned.

“We do not need three routes. We already have the right one.”

The campers had barely reached the first trail marker when they found a fallen tree blocking the path.

Its wide trunk stretched across the trail. Tangled branches filled the space beneath it, and a patch of slick mud made climbing over unsafe.

Soren stared at the obstacle.

“We have to use this trail,” he said.

“We could go around the ridge,” Jasper suggested.

“That is not the plan.”

“We could follow the creek path,” Su added.

“That will take longer.”

“We could return to camp,” said Bo.

“That means the hike is ruined,” Soren replied.

The fallen tree had changed the route.

But Soren’s mind was still trying to follow the original map.

What Is Flexible Thinking?

Flexible thinking is the ability to adjust thoughts, expectations, and actions when circumstances change.

It helps children:

• Consider more than one solution

• Shift between activities

• Adapt when a plan changes

• Listen to another person’s perspective

• Try a different strategy

• Accept that two ideas can both contain truth

• Notice when a rule has an exception

• Recover after disappointment

• Separate a goal from one preferred way of reaching it

Flexible thinking does not mean children must enjoy every change.

It does not mean they should abandon routines, ignore boundaries, or agree with everyone.

It means they can recognize:

“This is not happening the way I expected, and I may still have choices.”

Why Changes Can Feel So Difficult

A familiar plan gives the brain predictability.

Children may feel safer when they know:

• What will happen

• In what order it will happen

• How long it will take

• What they are expected to do

• Which materials they will use

• Who will be there

• What the result should look like

When the plan changes, the child may lose that sense of certainty.

A small change can create a surprisingly large response:

• The usual cup is unavailable.

• A teacher changes the seating chart.

• Rain cancels an outdoor activity.

• A friend wants to play a different game.

• The child must take another route.

• A familiar food is prepared differently.

• The order of the day changes.

• A project does not match the example.

• Someone interprets a situation differently.

• The first strategy does not work.

The difficulty may not be the change itself.

The difficulty may be the sudden loss of the expected plan.

Meet Soren, Su, and Jasper

Soren, Su, and Jasper each bring a different strength to flexible thinking.

Soren Squatch: The Careful Planner

Soren likes structure.

He notices sequences, remembers details, and prefers to know what will happen next. His plans help the campers stay organized and prepared.

But when circumstances change, Soren can become attached to the original method.

He may think:

• “We have to do it this way.”

• “Changing the plan means the plan failed.”

• “There is one correct answer.”

• “If I did not prepare for it, I cannot handle it.”

• “Different means wrong.”

Soren’s challenge is learning that a strong plan can include room for adjustment.

Su Squatch: The Perspective Connector

Su is good at noticing what different campers need.

She understands that one person may want more time, another may need a quieter route, and someone else may care most about reaching the destination quickly.

Su helps the group ask:

• What matters most?

• Which needs are different?

• Can two perspectives both make sense?

• Is there a compromise?

• Can the plan change without losing the goal?

Her strength is helping the campers move from either/or thinking toward both/and thinking.

Jasper Jackalope: The Possibility Finder

Jasper’s imagination creates alternatives quickly.

When one plan stops working, he can usually think of five more.

That creativity is useful, but too many possibilities can also become distracting.

Jasper may need help deciding:

• Which ideas fit the actual problem?

• Which choice is safe?

• Which possibility is realistic?

• When is it time to stop brainstorming and choose?

Flexible thinking is not only generating options.

It also involves selecting an option and adapting as new information appears.

Together, Soren, Su, and Jasper show that flexibility combines planning, perspective, creativity, and decision-making.

Flexible Thinking Is Different from “Going Along with It”

Adults sometimes praise flexibility when what they really mean is compliance.

A child may be called “inflexible” because they:

• Ask why a rule changed

• Need advance warning

• Request an accommodation

• Do not want unexpected touch

• Object to an unfair demand

• Need additional processing time

• Prefer a familiar routine

• Notice that the new plan creates a problem

• Maintain an important boundary

These responses are not automatically signs of poor flexibility.

Flexible thinking should help children respond effectively to change.

It should not teach them to ignore their needs or accept whatever other people decide.

A flexible child can still say:

• “I need more information.”

• “That choice does not feel safe.”

• “I can change the order, but I still need a break.”

• “I understand your idea, but I do not agree.”

• “I need help adjusting.”

• “Can you warn me before the next change?”

• “I can try another method, but not that one.”

Flexibility and self-advocacy can exist together.

The Difference Between the Goal and the Plan

One of the most useful flexible-thinking skills is separating the goal from the method.

Soren’s goal was:

Reach the berry meadow safely before lunch.

His preferred plan was:

Use the fern trail.

When the trail became unsafe, the preferred method no longer worked.

But the goal was still possible.

Children often confuse these two ideas.

Example One

Goal: Complete the art project.

Preferred plan: Use the blue paper.

If the blue paper is unavailable, the child may be able to use another color, combine materials, or change the design.

Example Two

Goal: Spend time with a friend.

Preferred plan: Play a particular game.

If the friend does not want that game, the children can choose another activity, take turns, or combine ideas.

Example Three

Goal: Feel prepared for school.

Preferred plan: Wear one specific shirt.

If the shirt is unavailable, the child may choose another familiar outfit while receiving support for the disappointment.

A helpful question is:

“What are we trying to accomplish, and is there another way to get there?”

Step One: Notice the Stuck Thought

Flexible thinking begins with noticing when the brain has become stuck on one answer.

Common stuck thoughts include:

• “It has to be this way.”

• “There is no other choice.”

• “That is not how we usually do it.”

• “If the plan changes, everything is ruined.”

• “One of us has to be completely right.”

• “I already tried once.”

• “I cannot do it differently.”

• “This is not what I expected.”

• “There is only one fair solution.”

• “If it is not perfect, it does not count.”

Stuck thoughts are not bad thoughts.

They often appear when the child is trying to create certainty.

Adults can help without arguing.

Try saying:

• “Your brain is holding tightly to the first plan.”

• “You expected it to happen one way.”

• “This change feels bigger than it looks from the outside.”

• “You are not ready to switch plans yet.”

• “Let us notice the stuck thought before we decide what to do.”

Naming the thought reduces shame and creates space for another possibility.

Step Two: Regulate Before Requiring Flexibility

A child may understand that another option exists and still be unable to shift while overwhelmed.

Signs that the child needs regulation first include:

• Repeating the original plan

• Becoming louder when alternatives are offered

• Rejecting every suggestion immediately

• Crying, freezing, or leaving

• Covering their ears or becoming sensory overloaded

• Insisting that everything is ruined

• Being unable to answer questions

• Becoming physically unsafe

In those moments, offering more alternatives can increase the pressure.

Begin with:

• NEST

• Fewer words

• A quiet space

• One slow exhale

• Movement

• Sensory support

• A visual explanation

• Time to process

• Validation

• One clear next step

An adult might say:

“The trail is blocked, and your brain was ready for the fern route. We do not have to choose the new route this second. Let us help your body adjust first.”

Regulation does not remove the change.

It makes flexibility more available.

Step Three: Identify What Must Stay the Same

Flexibility is easier when children know that not everything is changing.

When the trail was blocked, Su helped Soren identify what remained true:

• The group was still hiking.

• They were still going to the berry meadow.

• The same campers and counselors were together.

• They still had water, lunch, maps, and safety supplies.

• They would still return to camp afterward.

Only the route needed to change.

Adults can ask:

• What part is changing?

• What part is staying the same?

• What can we still count on?

• Which part of the routine can we keep?

• Can we preserve one familiar detail?

• What information do you already know?

This can be especially helpful during transitions.

For example:

“The substitute teacher is different, but your classroom, classmates, schedule, and lunch time are the same.”

“We are eating dinner later, but we are still having the meal you expected.”

“The appointment moved to another building, but the same doctor will meet us.”

Predictability does not require that every detail remain unchanged.

Step Four: Find More Than One Possibility

Once the child is regulated and understands the problem, invite alternative ideas.

The possibilities do not all need to be good.

The first goal is to loosen the belief that only one path exists.

Helpful prompts include:

• What is another way?

• What could we change?

• What could stay the same?

• What would someone else suggest?

• Is there a smaller version?

• Could we combine two ideas?

• What would happen if we changed the order?

• What is a temporary solution?

• What could we try just once?

• What is one choice you dislike less than the others?

At the blocked trail, the campers identified several possibilities:

• Take the ridge trail.

• Follow the creek.

• Return to camp.

• Choose a different destination.

• Wait while adults assess the tree.

• Divide into smaller groups with counselors.

• Move the hike to another day.

Jasper suggested all of them before Soren had finished unfolding the map.

Su helped slow the process down.

“We do not need every possible route,” she said. “We need a few realistic ones.”

Step Five: Use Both/And Thinking

Rigid thinking often takes the form of either/or:

• Either the day goes as planned or it is ruined.

• Either I am right or you are right.

• Either I finish perfectly or I failed.

• Either I feel brave or I cannot try.

• Either we play my game or we cannot play together.

• Either I like the change or I cannot handle it.

Flexible thinking makes room for both/and:

• The plan changed, and part of the day can still be enjoyable.

• I can feel disappointed, and choose another option.

• My idea makes sense, and someone else may notice something I missed.

• The work is imperfect, and it can still be useful.

• I want the familiar routine, and I can ask for support with the new one.

• We disagree, and we can remain respectful.

• I am nervous, and I can take one small step.

Su used both/and thinking with Soren.

“The fern trail was the shortest route,” she said, “and it is not safe today.”

Soren looked at the fallen tree.

Both statements were true.

His plan had been thoughtful.

The plan still needed to change.

Step Six: Look Through Another Camper’s Eyes

Perspective-taking is an important part of flexible thinking.

It does not require agreeing with another person.

It means considering what they may know, feel, want, or need.

At Poplar Hollow:

• Soren cared about following the plan.

• Jasper cared about exploring possibilities.

• Maya cared about choosing the safest route.

• Bo cared about reaching the meadow quickly.

• Piper cared about protecting the lunch supplies from the muddy creek path.

• Su cared about finding a choice the group could realistically manage.

No single camper saw the entire situation.

Helpful questions include:

• What matters to you?

• What might matter to the other person?

• What information do they have?

• What could they be worried about?

• Is their goal different from yours?

• Can both perspectives make sense?

• What part of their idea could help?

• Is there a solution that respects both needs?

Perspective-taking should not be used to excuse harmful behavior.

A child can understand why someone acted a certain way and still maintain a boundary.

Understanding is not the same as approval.

Step Seven: Choose a “Good Enough” Plan

Flexible thinking can become difficult when children search for the perfect alternative.

Jasper could imagine many routes.

Soren wanted certainty that the chosen route would be best.

But the campers did not need the perfect trail.

They needed a route that was:

• Safe

• Possible

• Appropriate for the group

• Likely to reach the goal

• Acceptable within the available time

After comparing the choices, the campers selected the ridge trail.

It would take ten minutes longer than the fern trail.

The path was safe and dry.

The campers would still reach the meadow before lunch.

It was not Soren’s preferred plan.

It was a good enough plan.

“Good enough” does not mean careless.

It means the choice meets the important needs even if it does not satisfy every preference.

Step Eight: Try the New Plan Before Deciding It Is Bad

Children may reject an unfamiliar option before experiencing it.

They might say:

• “I hate it.”

• “It will not work.”

• “It is going to be terrible.”

• “The other way was better.”

• “I cannot do this.”

• “This is wrong.”

Sometimes the child is predicting rather than observing.

A flexible-thinking experiment might be:

• Try the new route for five minutes.

• Use the different material for one section.

• Play the new game for one round.

• Sit in the new seat until the first break.

• Taste a tiny amount without requiring more.

• Practice the changed routine once with support.

The child can evaluate afterward.

Adults can say:

“You do not have to decide whether you like the whole plan before we begin. Let us gather information from one small try.”

Trying an option does not require committing to it forever.

Step Nine: Check, Adjust, and Try Again

Flexible thinking continues after the choice is made.

The new plan may need adjustment.

On the ridge trail, the campers discovered a steep patch covered in loose leaves.

They did not return immediately to the original blocked path.

They adjusted again.

The group slowed down.

Maya moved to the front to check the footing.

Piper handed the lunch basket to Sal.

Jasper marked the steep patch on the map.

Soren began to understand that changing the plan once did not guarantee there would be no more changes.

A flexible response asks:

• What is working?

• What is not working?

• What new information do we have?

• Does the goal still make sense?

• Should we adjust the plan or choose another one?

• What support is needed now?

Adaptation is not evidence that the plan was bad.

It is part of responding to reality.

Flexible Thinking and Cognitive Reframing

Flexible thinking is closely connected to cognitive reframing, but they are not identical.

Cognitive reframing helps children examine the meaning they gave a situation.

For example:

“The trail is blocked, so the whole day is ruined.”

A balanced reframe might be:

“The route changed, but the hike may still happen another way.”

Flexible thinking helps children act on that broader perspective.

For example:

“We can compare the ridge trail and the creek path.”

The TAIL skill can help with the thought:

• Thought

• Ask

• Investigate

• Level it

The PAWS skill can help with the plan:

• Pause

• Ask

• Walk through the choices

• Step forward

TAIL loosens the story.

PAWS helps select the next action.

Flexible Thinking During Social Conflict

Children often become stuck when another person wants something different.

Examples include:

• Two children want different games.

• One child thinks a rule should be interpreted differently.

• A friend changes the shared plan.

• A sibling wants a turn.

• Group members have different project ideas.

• One child wants quiet while another wants conversation.

Flexible thinking does not require one child to surrender every preference.

It may involve:

• Taking turns

• Combining ideas

• Choosing a third option

• Changing the order

• Setting a timer

• Dividing materials

• Completing separate activities nearby

• Agreeing to disagree

• Using the HOWL PLAN to explain a need

• Deciding that compromise is not appropriate because a boundary is involved

A useful question is:

“Which parts are preferences, which parts are needs, and which parts are boundaries?”

Preferences can often bend.

Needs require support.

Boundaries require respect.

Flexible Thinking About Fairness

Children may interpret fairness as everyone receiving exactly the same thing.

But fairness sometimes means people receive different support based on what they need.

One camper may need:

• More time

• A quieter seat

• Help reading instructions

• A movement break

• A different tool

• Fewer questions

• A visual schedule

• Adult support

Another camper may not need the same accommodation.

Flexible thinking helps children understand:

Equal means the same. Fair means people have what they need to participate.

Adults can explain without sharing private information:

“Different campers may use different tools. The goal is for everyone to have a way to take part.”

Children can learn that different does not automatically mean unfair.

Flexible Thinking and Rules

Rules support safety and predictability, but children also need help understanding that some rules depend on context.

For example:

• We usually walk indoors, but we may move quickly during an emergency.

• We usually wait our turn, but we can interrupt when someone is in danger.

• We usually complete an assignment independently, but asking for clarification is allowed.

• We usually follow the schedule, but weather may require a change.

• We usually keep promises, but we should not keep a promise that involves harm or unsafe secrecy.

Flexible thinking helps children understand the reason behind a rule.

Adults can ask:

• What is this rule designed to protect?

• Does the current situation fit the usual rule?

• Is there a safety exception?

• Who can clarify the expectation?

• Is the rule being applied fairly?

Flexibility does not mean rules are meaningless.

It means context matters.

Flexible Thinking Is a Skill, Not a Personality Trait

Children are sometimes described as naturally flexible or inflexible.

But flexibility changes depending on:

• Stress

• Fatigue

• Hunger

• Sensory load

• Anxiety

• Familiarity

• Communication demands

• How much warning they received

• Whether they feel safe

• How important the routine is

• How many changes have already happened

A child may adjust easily to a changed game and struggle intensely with a changed bedtime routine.

They may manage one surprise well and become overwhelmed by the fourth surprise of the day.

Instead of labeling a child as rigid, ask:

• What made this change especially hard?

• What predictability was lost?

• What support would make shifting easier?

• Has the child already handled several changes?

• Is the new demand reasonable?

• Does the child understand what will happen next?

Flexibility is supported by safety, preparation, and practice.

Flexible Thinking and Neurodivergent Children

Neurodivergent children may rely on routines, scripts, repetition, or clear expectations to manage uncertainty and sensory demands.

Supporting flexible thinking should not mean removing those supports.

Helpful accommodations may include:

• Visual schedules

• Advance notice of changes

• A clear explanation of what will remain the same

• First-then language

• A backup plan shown ahead of time

• Transition warnings

• Limited choices

• Extra processing time

• Written or visual instructions

• Familiar objects

• Practice with small changes

• Permission to use regulation tools

• Recovery time after unexpected changes

Adults should distinguish between:

• A child developing flexibility around a manageable change

• A child becoming distressed because necessary accommodations are missing

The goal is not to make the child tolerate preventable chaos.

The goal is to help them adapt with support when change cannot be avoided.

Build Flexible Thinking Through Small Changes

Children can practice flexibility during low-stakes activities.

Try:

• Changing the order of two familiar tasks

• Using a different art material

• Finding three uses for one object

• Inventing multiple endings to a story

• Playing a game with one adjusted rule

• Brainstorming several solutions to a pretend problem

• Taking a different walking route

• Creating two ways to complete a chore

• Naming three possible reasons for a character’s behavior

• Building something without copying the example exactly

The adult can model flexible language:

• “That was not what I expected.”

• “Let me look for another way.”

• “Both ideas have useful parts.”

• “The first plan did not fit, so I am adjusting.”

• “I feel disappointed, and I can still choose.”

• “I need more information before deciding.”

• “This solution is good enough for what we need.”

Children learn flexibility by watching adults respond to inconvenience, mistakes, and uncertainty.

Do Not Surprise Children Just to Teach Flexibility

Deliberately creating unnecessary distress is not the best way to build this skill.

Adults do not need to:

• Remove a comfort item without warning

• Change an important routine suddenly

• Withhold information the child could reasonably receive

• Rearrange expectations as a test

• Force sensory discomfort

• Refuse a harmless accommodation

• Create uncertainty to “toughen them up”

Practice should be manageable and respectful.

Flexible thinking grows when children experience change with enough support to recover and learn.

Helpful Adult Responses

Avoid:

• “You need to be flexible.”

• “Stop being so rigid.”

• “It is not a big deal.”

• “Plans change. Get over it.”

• “Everyone else adjusted.”

• “You are ruining the activity.”

• “Just pick something else.”

• “There is nothing to be upset about.”

Try:

• “You were prepared for the original plan.”

• “The change happened quickly.”

• “Let us identify what is staying the same.”

• “Do you need time, information, or help choosing?”

• “Your first choice is unavailable. Let us find the closest workable choice.”

• “You can be disappointed and still consider another plan.”

• “We do not need a perfect answer.”

• “Which option meets the most important need?”

• “Would seeing the new plan help?”

• “Let us try one small part and check again.”

These responses validate the difficulty while still supporting movement.

Back on the Ridge Trail

Soren walked slowly at first.

He held the original map in one hand and Jasper’s ridge map in the other.

“This route has more turns,” he said.

“It does,” Su replied.

“And it takes longer.”

“Yes.”

Soren looked back toward the blocked fern trail.

“My route was still a good route.”

“It was,” Su said. “It just was not the route we could use today.”

Soren considered that.

A plan could be good without always being usable.

Jasper hopped onto a flat stone beside the trail.

“Look!” he called. “You can see the meadow from here.”

Through the trees, the campers could see a patch of sunlight spread across the distant grass.

Soren added a new mark to the map.

Ridge overlook.

By the time the campers reached the berry meadow, Soren had noted three useful trail features he would never have seen from the fern path.

The hike had not followed the original plan.

It had still reached the goal.

It had also given them a better map.

What Flexible Thinking Teaches

Flexible thinking helps children learn that:

• A changed plan is not always a failed plan.

• More than one solution may work.

• Different perspectives can contain useful information.

• Feelings and choices can exist together.

• The goal may stay the same while the method changes.

• “Both/and” can be more accurate than “either/or.”

• A good-enough option may be more useful than waiting for perfection.

• Trying something once provides new information.

• Plans can be adjusted more than once.

• Routines and accommodations can support flexibility.

• Understanding another viewpoint does not require agreement.

• Asking for time or support is part of adapting.

• Flexibility should never require ignoring safety or boundaries.

The goal is not to make children comfortable with every change.

The goal is to help them recognize that when one path closes, they may still be able to choose their direction.

Try Flexible Thinking at Home or in the Classroom

When a child becomes stuck on one expectation, guide them through these questions:

1. What did you expect?

Name the original plan without judging it.

2. What changed?

Identify the specific difference.

3. What is staying the same?

Restore as much predictability as possible.

4. What is the goal?

Separate the important outcome from the preferred method.

5. What are two or three possibilities?

Generate realistic alternatives.

6. Can two things be true?

Use both/and language.

7. What does someone else notice?

Consider another perspective without requiring agreement.

8. Which option is safe and good enough?

Choose a workable next step.

9. What happened after we tried it?

Check, adjust, and gather new information.

Flexible thinking does not ask children to stop caring about plans.

It teaches them how to carry a plan without letting it become the only path they can see.