Soren and the Moment That Was Already Here: Mindfulness and Co-Regulation at Poplar Hollow
Soren Squatch had checked tomorrow’s schedule three times.
The breakfast baskets were packed.
The trail map was marked.
The weather board had been updated.
The campers’ water bottles were lined up beside the lodge door.
Everything that could be prepared was prepared.
Still, Soren could not stop thinking about the morning hike.
What if the trail was muddy?
What if someone forgot their lunch?
What if the group left late?
What if another tree had fallen across the path?
Soren sat on a log near the evening campfire, but his mind was already racing through the next day.
Around him, the other campers toasted apple slices, told stories, and listened to the creek.
Soren barely heard them.
He was too busy listening for problems that had not happened.
Counselor Sal Squatch sat beside him.
“You have been very quiet,” Sal said.
“I am thinking.”
“About something happening now?”
Soren looked toward the dark trail.
“Not exactly.”
Sal did not tell him to stop worrying.
He did not tell him to relax.
Instead, he placed both feet on the ground and listened to the fire crackle.
After a moment, Soren’s feet settled against the earth too.
“The worries can sit with us,” Sal said. “But they do not have to be the only things we notice.”
What Is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness means paying attention to what is happening in the present moment with curiosity and as little judgment as possible.
A child practicing mindfulness might notice:
A sound
A body sensation
A thought
An emotion
A smell
A movement
Something happening around them
The urge to do something
Their attention wandering and returning
Mindfulness does not require children to empty their minds.
It does not require complete stillness.
It does not mean feeling calm all the time.
It does not mean ignoring worries, problems, memories, or responsibilities.
Mindfulness simply helps children recognize:
“This is what is happening inside and around me right now.”
That awareness can create a small space between an experience and the child’s next action.
What Is Co-Regulation?
Children do not develop emotional regulation entirely on their own.
They first learn through relationships with steady, responsive adults and other trusted people.
Co-regulation happens when another person offers enough safety, structure, and connection to help a child manage an emotional or physical stress response.
Co-regulation may include:
A calm and predictable voice
A relaxed posture
Fewer words
Sitting nearby
Helping the child slow down
Naming what is happening without judgment
Offering manageable choices
Adjusting the environment
Providing sensory support
Helping the child feel less alone
Remaining steady while the child is still distressed
Sal did not make Soren mindful by giving him a lecture.
He showed Soren how to return to the moment by being present with him.
Mindfulness Is Not Forced Calm
Adults sometimes introduce mindfulness as a way to make uncomfortable feelings disappear.
A child may be told:
“Take a breath so you can calm down.”
“Think about something peaceful.”
“Clear your mind.”
“Stop focusing on the negative.”
“You should feel better now.”
“Use your mindfulness.”
This can turn mindfulness into another demand.
The child may then believe they are doing it wrong if:
Their thoughts continue
Their body remains tense
They still feel angry
They cannot sit still
Breathing makes them uncomfortable
They become more aware of distress
They need another person nearby
The problem still requires action
Mindfulness is not successful only when a child becomes calm.
Success may mean:
The child noticed their shoulders were tight.
They identified a worried thought.
They recognized an urge before acting.
They stayed present for ten seconds.
They asked for space.
They returned their attention after it wandered.
They discovered that a sensory strategy was not helping.
They noticed they needed adult support.
Mindfulness is awareness.
Calm may happen, but it is not the only goal.
Meet Soren Squatch
Soren is thoughtful, responsible, and prepared.
He likes to understand what is happening and what will happen next. His planning helps the campers remember important details and avoid preventable problems.
But Soren’s attention can become trapped in:
What might happen
What should have happened
What he forgot
What someone else might forget
Whether the plan will work
Whether he prepared enough
What could go wrong next
Soren may be physically present while his mind is far ahead of him.
He does not need to stop planning.
He needs practice recognizing when planning is useful and when his mind is repeating worries without creating a new solution.
Mindfulness helps Soren return to the moment he is actually living.
Attention Naturally Wanders
Children may think mindfulness means maintaining perfect focus.
It does not.
Attention moves naturally.
A child might focus on the sound of rain and then begin thinking about recess.
They might notice their breathing and then remember an argument from earlier.
They might feel their feet on the floor and then become distracted by another person moving.
The skill is not preventing attention from wandering.
The skill is noticing that it wandered and gently returning.
A child can practice saying:
“My mind went to tomorrow.”
“I started replaying what happened.”
“I got distracted by that sound.”
“I noticed another thought.”
“I am bringing my attention back.”
Each return is part of the practice.
It is not evidence of failure.
Step One: Begin with Safety and Connection
Before asking a child to focus inward, make sure the situation is safe enough.
A child who is frightened, overwhelmed, or unsure of an adult may need protection, information, or environmental support before mindfulness.
Adults can begin with co-regulation:
Move to a safer or quieter place.
Reduce unnecessary demands.
Use a steady voice.
Give the child physical space.
Sit at the child’s level without crowding.
Explain what is happening.
Offer a trusted person.
Address hunger, thirst, pain, temperature, or sensory overload.
Ask permission before suggesting a strategy.
Helpful language includes:
“I am here with you.”
“You do not have to solve everything right now.”
“Would you like me close by or farther away?”
“We can notice what is happening together.”
“You can keep your eyes open.”
“You can stop the exercise if it feels uncomfortable.”
“Would it be easier to sit, stand, or move?”
Connection comes before correction.
Step Two: Choose an Anchor
A mindfulness anchor is something the child can gently return their attention to.
The anchor does not need to be the breath.
Children may use:
Feet touching the floor
Hands pressed together
The feeling of a chair
A sound
A familiar object
Slow movement
A visual point
The sensation of cool water
A repeated word
The rhythm of walking
The weight of a blanket
A trusted person’s voice
Sal chose the campfire as an anchor.
“What is one sound the fire is making?” he asked.
Soren listened.
A log popped.
Dry leaves hissed beneath the flames.
A stick shifted and fell.
“The fire does not make only one sound,” Soren said.
“No,” Sal replied. “It changes while we listen.”
For that moment, Soren’s attention was no longer on tomorrow’s trail.
It was on the fire in front of him.
Breathing Is One Option, Not a Requirement
Breathing practices can help many children, but they are not comfortable for everyone.
Focusing on the breath may feel difficult for children who:
Are already breathing rapidly
Have asthma or another respiratory condition
Become anxious when noticing internal sensations
Have experienced panic
Feel pressured to perform the exercise correctly
Have trouble sensing internal body signals
Alternatives include:
Listening to a repeated sound
Tracing a textured object
Rocking gently
Walking slowly
Pressing the feet into the floor
Looking for shapes in the room
Humming
Tapping a steady rhythm
Watching an object move
A child should not be forced to close their eyes or focus on breathing.
Mindfulness can happen with eyes open and the body moving.
Step Three: Notice Without Immediately Fixing
Mindfulness invites observation before problem solving.
A child might notice:
“My stomach feels tight.”
“I keep thinking about tomorrow.”
“My hands want to move.”
“I feel angry when I remember what happened.”
“The room feels too loud.”
“I want to leave.”
“I am judging myself.”
“I do not like this exercise.”
The goal is not to immediately replace the experience.
Adults can respond:
“You noticed tightness.”
“That thought keeps returning.”
“Your body wants movement.”
“The sound feels sharp.”
“Part of you wants to get away.”
“You are noticing that this is uncomfortable.”
This is different from saying:
“There is no reason to worry.”
“Relax your stomach.”
“Ignore the noise.”
“Do not think about that.”
“You are fine.”
Observation helps the child gather information.
The information can guide what happens next.
Step Four: Use Neutral, Specific Language
Judgmental language can make an experience feel larger.
A child might say:
“I am being ridiculous.”
“My brain is broken.”
“I should be able to handle this.”
“I am terrible at calming down.”
“Everything is awful.”
“I cannot do anything right.”
Mindful language becomes more specific:
“I am having a worried thought.”
“My body feels restless.”
“I am disappointed with what happened.”
“My attention keeps returning to the same problem.”
“I am having trouble focusing in this room.”
“This feeling is strong right now.”
Specific language does not minimize the experience.
It prevents one moment from becoming a judgment about the whole child.
Instead of:
“I am anxious.”
A child may try:
“I am noticing anxiety in my chest and thoughts about tomorrow.”
This does not separate the child from responsibility.
It reminds them that an emotion is something they are experiencing, not everything they are.
Step Five: Notice Thoughts as Thoughts
Thoughts often feel like warnings, predictions, or facts.
Soren’s mind said:
“The trail will be blocked.”
“Someone will forget something.”
“The hike will start late.”
“I need to check the supplies again.”
Mindfulness does not require Soren to prove these thoughts wrong.
It helps him notice:
“My mind is predicting problems.”
A child can practice phrases such as:
“I am having the thought that…”
“My brain is telling a worry story.”
“I noticed a memory.”
“My mind is trying to solve this again.”
“That is a prediction, not something happening now.”
“This thought may be important, but I do not have to act on it immediately.”
If the thought needs investigation, the child can later use TAIL:
Thought
Ask
Investigate
Level it
Mindfulness notices the thought.
Cognitive reframing examines it.
Step Six: Name the Present Moment
Children can orient themselves by identifying what is true right now.
Soren practiced saying:
“I am sitting beside the campfire.”
“Sal is here.”
“The supplies are packed.”
“The hike is tomorrow.”
“I hear the creek.”
“I feel the log beneath me.”
“Right now, no decision is required.”
Present-moment statements can be especially useful when the mind is:
Replaying the past
Predicting the future
Imagining social rejection
Preparing for every possible problem
Treating uncertainty like an emergency
An adult can ask:
What is happening right now?
What has not happened yet?
What is already complete?
Is there a decision you need to make this minute?
What can you see, hear, or feel?
Who is with you?
What is one thing your body is supported by?
The goal is not to deny future responsibilities.
It is to distinguish them from the current moment.
Step Seven: Allow the Feeling to Be Present
Children are often taught that difficult emotions must be removed quickly.
Mindfulness offers another possibility:
A feeling can be present without controlling the entire moment.
Soren still felt worried about the hike.
He also noticed:
The warmth of the fire
The smell of apples
Bo tapping a rhythm on a log
Jasper telling a story
Sal sitting beside him
His feet resting on solid ground
Worry was present.
It was no longer the only thing present.
Children can practice saying:
“Worry is here, and I am still sitting by the fire.”
“I feel angry, and I can keep my hands safe.”
“I am disappointed, and I can listen.”
“My body feels restless, and I can choose movement.”
“I miss what happened before, and I can notice where I am now.”
This is another form of both-and thinking.
Step Eight: Return Without Criticism
When attention wanders, adults can model a gentle return.
Avoid:
“Pay attention.”
“You are not focusing.”
“Start over.”
“You are doing it wrong.”
“Stop thinking about that.”
“Why can you not sit still?”
Try:
“Your attention moved.”
“What did you notice?”
“Let us return to the sound.”
“We can begin again from here.”
“You do not have to hold your focus perfectly.”
“Would another anchor work better?”
“Your body may need movement while you practice.”
The tone matters.
Mindfulness should not become another place where the child expects criticism.
Step Nine: Choose What Comes Next
Mindfulness is not the end of the process.
Awareness helps the child choose an effective next step.
After noticing what is happening, the child may decide to:
Continue the activity
Take a break
Ask for help
Use NEST
Solve a problem with PAWS
Reframe a thought with TAIL
Use Opposite Action
Set a boundary
Eat or drink
Move to another location
Communicate with the HOWL PLAN
Return to the issue later
Allow the feeling without taking immediate action
Soren realized that his mind kept returning to one specific concern: whether the trail map was packed.
He checked the supply list once.
The map was marked as complete.
Instead of checking the basket again, he wrote one note:
Look at the weather board after breakfast.
Then he returned to the fire.
Mindfulness did not tell Soren never to plan.
It helped him recognize when planning had reached a useful stopping point.
Mindfulness and Co-Regulation Work Together
A child may be able to practice mindfulness independently in some situations.
In others, they need another person.
Co-regulation can make mindfulness more accessible by providing:
A steady rhythm
A calm voice
Shared attention
Predictable language
Gentle reminders
Help choosing an anchor
Reassurance that the child is not alone
Support moving from awareness to action
Sal did not say:
“Go sit alone until you are mindful.”
He joined Soren.
He listened to the same fire.
He placed his feet on the same ground.
He slowed his own voice.
His presence communicated:
“This moment is difficult, and we can be in it together.”
Co-Regulation Is Not Controlling the Child’s Body
Adults cannot force a nervous system to settle.
Commands such as these may increase distress:
“Look at me.”
“Take a deep breath.”
“Sit still.”
“Stop crying.”
“Use your words.”
“Calm your body.”
“You are safe.”
“Give me a hug.”
Even strategies commonly associated with calming should involve consent and flexibility.
A child may not want:
Eye contact
Touch
A hug
Close physical proximity
Breathing exercises
Questions
Conversation
Silence
A specific sensory tool
Co-regulation requires responsiveness.
The adult can ask:
“Would you like me nearby?”
“Do you want quiet or help talking?”
“Would movement feel better than sitting?”
“May I place the blanket beside you?”
“Would you like choices or one clear direction?”
“Do you want to listen, look, or feel something?”
A supportive adult follows the child’s signals while maintaining safety.
Mindfulness Through the Senses
Sensory awareness offers children concrete ways to return to the present.
Sight
Find three shapes.
Notice light and shadow.
Choose one object and study its details.
Look for something moving slowly.
Name colors without judging them.
Sound
Listen for the closest sound.
Listen for the farthest sound.
Notice a repeating rhythm.
Count how many sounds appear.
Hum and notice the vibration.
Touch
Feel the feet against the ground.
Hold a textured object.
Notice warm and cool areas.
Press the hands together.
Feel the support of a chair or wall.
Smell
Notice the air outside.
Smell a familiar food.
Identify a natural scent.
Compare two safe scents without deciding which is better.
Taste
Take one slow sip.
Notice texture and temperature.
Pay attention to the first bite.
Observe when a flavor changes.
Children do not need to use every sense.
For a child experiencing sensory overload, the goal may be to reduce input rather than notice more of it.
Movement-Based Mindfulness
Some children focus more effectively while moving.
Movement-based mindfulness may include:
Slow walking
Stretching
Rocking
Swinging
Tapping
Carrying an object
Yoga-inspired poses
Drawing repeated lines
Rolling a ball
Following a rhythm
Watching the feet while walking
A mindful walk can use prompts such as:
What changes beneath your feet?
Which leg is moving now?
Where does your body feel balanced?
What sound appears when you step?
When does your pace speed up?
Can you notice one full step from beginning to end?
Stillness is not more mindful than movement.
The useful practice is the one the child can access safely.
Mindfulness and Grounding
Mindfulness and grounding overlap, but they are not exactly the same.
Mindfulness involves noticing present experiences with curiosity.
Grounding is often used to help someone reconnect with the present when they feel overwhelmed, disconnected, panicked, or caught in a distressing memory.
A grounding exercise may be more direct:
State the current date.
Name the location.
Identify trusted people nearby.
Press the feet into the ground.
Hold a cool object.
Describe five things in the room.
Say what is happening now.
A child who is highly distressed may need grounding, safety, and co-regulation before a broader mindfulness activity.
Mindfulness During Strong Emotions
Mindfulness can help children notice an emotion without immediately reacting to its action urge.
Anger
“My jaw is tight.”
“My hands want to grab.”
“My voice is getting louder.”
“I need space before I respond.”
Fear
“My stomach feels jumpy.”
“My brain is predicting danger.”
“I want to avoid the room.”
“I need to check whether this is unsafe or uncomfortable.”
Sadness
“My body feels heavy.”
“I want to be alone.”
“I keep thinking about what I lost.”
“I may need rest and connection.”
Embarrassment
“My face feels hot.”
“I want to disappear.”
“I am imagining what everyone thinks.”
“I can stay present for one more moment.”
Frustration
“I am pressing harder.”
“I am repeating the same step.”
“I want to tear the paper.”
“I need to pause before I make the problem bigger.”
Awareness does not decide what the child should do.
It gives them information for choosing.
Mindful Listening Between Children
Mindfulness can also support communication.
A child may listen mindfully by noticing:
The other person’s words
Their own urge to interrupt
A body reaction
A thought about what the other person means
A desire to defend themselves
A detail they do not understand
Mindful listening does not require silent agreement.
A child can listen and then say:
“I heard what you said, but I see it differently.”
“I need you to explain that part.”
“I am getting too upset to keep listening safely.”
“I want to respond after a short break.”
“I understand your feeling, and I still need my boundary respected.”
The SOFTEN skill can support mindful communication through slower breathing, open posture, a friendly face, gentle tone, soft eyes, and nodding when appropriate.
The HOWL PLAN can help the child explain their own needs after listening.
Practice Mindfulness During Neutral Moments
Mindfulness is easier to access during stress when children have practiced it outside of stressful moments.
Practice can be brief.
One-sound listening
Pause and notice one sound from beginning to end.
Texture detective
Study the texture, weight, temperature, and shape of one object.
Mindful first bite
Notice one bite of food before continuing the meal normally.
Weather check
Notice the air, light, wind, and temperature without labeling the weather good or bad.
Slow steps
Take five steps while noticing each foot touch the floor.
Thought clouds
Name thoughts as they appear and imagine them moving past without needing to follow each one.
Shared quiet minute
Sit or move near a trusted person and notice what happens for a short, predictable amount of time.
Practice does not need to last ten or twenty minutes.
For many children, ten seconds of intentional awareness is a meaningful beginning.
Mindfulness and Neurodivergent Children
Mindfulness should be adapted to the individual child.
Some neurodivergent children may experience difficulty with:
Sitting still
Closing their eyes
Identifying internal sensations
Shifting attention
Tolerating silence
Filtering background sounds
Understanding abstract instructions
Participating in group breathing
Remaining in an uncomfortable sensory environment
Helpful adaptations include:
Visual prompts
Movement
Short practice periods
Concrete language
Predictable beginnings and endings
A choice of anchors
Eyes-open exercises
Sensory tools
Permission to leave the group
One-to-one co-regulation
External rather than internal focus
No requirement to explain the experience afterward
A child should not lose accommodations because an adult believes mindfulness should make the environment tolerable.
Mindfulness can help the child notice a need.
Adults are still responsible for responding to that need.
Mindfulness Should Not Replace Problem Solving
Sometimes distress is connected to a real problem.
Mindfulness may help the child notice:
“The room is too loud.”
“Someone keeps crossing my boundary.”
“I do not understand the assignment.”
“The schedule changed without warning.”
“I am worried because I do not know what happens next.”
“I am hungry.”
“I need help.”
The next step may be to change the environment, communicate, ask for support, or solve the problem.
Mindfulness should not be used to teach children to tolerate preventable harm or unmet needs.
The purpose is not:
“Notice the discomfort and accept whatever is happening.”
The purpose is:
“Notice clearly enough to choose an effective response.”
Helpful Adult Language
Avoid:
“Calm down and be mindful.”
“You are not trying.”
“Just focus on your breathing.”
“Clear your mind.”
“Stop thinking about it.”
“There is nothing wrong.”
“You should be relaxed by now.”
“Go regulate yourself.”
Try:
“Let us notice what is happening without fixing it yet.”
“Your attention keeps returning to that worry.”
“Would you like a sound, movement, or object as your anchor?”
“I can stay with you.”
“You do not need an empty mind.”
“Your body may need support before we talk.”
“We can return to the present one small detail at a time.”
“What is true right now?”
“What did you notice?”
“Now that you have noticed it, what might help?”
Mindfulness is more effective when it is offered as support rather than assigned as a consequence.
Back at the Poplar Hollow Campfire
Soren listened as the fire shifted.
He noticed the warmth against one side of his face.
The night air cooled the other side.
He felt the rough bark of the log beneath his hands.
His mind returned to the trail map.
“My brain is checking tomorrow again,” he said.
Sal nodded. “Do you need to solve something?”
Soren considered the question.
“The map is packed. The supplies are ready. I already wrote down the weather check.”
“So what is happening now?”
Soren looked around the clearing.
“Jasper is telling the story about the runaway canoe.”
Jasper was waving both paws in the air while Bo made splashing sounds.
“Maya is passing the apple slices.”
Maya held out a warm piece sprinkled with cinnamon.
“The creek is louder than it was this afternoon.”
Soren listened.
Worry was still present.
But so were the fire, the creek, the campers, the cool air, and the warm apple slice in his hand.
Tomorrow would arrive when it arrived.
For now, Soren was at the campfire.
What Mindfulness and Co-Regulation Teach
Mindfulness and co-regulation help children learn that:
Attention naturally wanders and can return.
Thoughts are experiences, not automatic commands.
A feeling can be present without filling the entire moment.
Calm is not the only sign that a coping skill helped.
The body provides useful information.
Movement can be mindful.
Breathing is one option among many.
Trusted people can help a nervous system feel supported.
Asking for co-regulation is not failure.
Awareness can come before action.
Not every thought needs an immediate response.
Present-moment attention can exist alongside planning.
Mindfulness should never replace safety, boundaries, accommodations, or problem solving.
Children do not need to remain in the present every second.
They need to know how to find their way back when their minds become trapped in what already happened or what might happen next.
Try Mindfulness and Co-Regulation at Home or in the Classroom
Use this simple sequence during a neutral or mildly stressful moment.
1. Connect
Offer steady presence before asking the child to focus.
“I am here. We can notice together.”
2. Choose an anchor
Select a sound, object, movement, sensation, or visual point.
3. Notice
What is happening in the body, mind, and environment?
4. Name
Use specific, neutral language.
“I am noticing a worried thought.”
5. Allow
The child does not need to immediately remove the experience.
6. Return
When attention wanders, gently return to the anchor.
7. Choose
Decide whether the next step is to continue, regulate, communicate, solve a problem, ask for help, or rest.
Mindfulness is not about holding perfectly still while the world continues around us.
It is about recognizing the moment we are in clearly enough to decide how we want to meet it.
